As if every day wasn’t reminder enough that yes, you are still a parent and yes you are still single … cue all of the couples bragging on social media on Valentine’s Day.
Happy Valentine’s Day single moms!
So with this fun little reminder on February 14th, I have a message to the single mom who’s been doing this alone for a really long time:
You are doing a great job. I know that you feel alone, even if you say you don’t. Even if you have a great support system and a group of friends that are more like family than friends. I know that it gets old and tiring and it’s hard to keep believing God’s best for you and your kids when you’re just grinding … Every. Day.
I know that all that Valentine’s Day has meant to you, for years now, is that you have to go to Target, buy all of the stupid little Valentine’s with poisonous candy for your kids’ classmates and then “surprise” your “Valentine” (aka … your kid) with some kind of flowers/balloon/basket to say “hey, I’m your mom and I love you,” only to get nothing in return. (Well … let’s be honest, at least you do get a really sweet handmade card that makes you want to cry because it’s so stinking precious.)
You. Mom. You are a beautiful human. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be appreciated … by an adult. You are literally a super hero and your time is coming. God sees you. You are strong and powerful and you are teaching your children what it means to be a woman. Both boys and girls NEED to see it and you are doing a great job showing them. Keep going. Don’t give up. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, you are so known and loved and seen.
I also have a message to the single mom who’s experiencing her first solo Valentine’s Day this year:
Don’t be bitter. Maybe you’re not? Maybe you just now realized you are? But hear me this, bitterness is just a mask … like anger. Feel your sadness, feel your loneliness, feel all of the real feelings. Invite Holy Spirit into your process. Don’t harden your heart. Ask Him what His truth is for your specific situation? Ask Him how he sees you. Ask Him what His favorite parts of you are. Ask Him to speak life and truth into the areas that you are insecure about. I know that it seems scary. I know that you feel like you are just starting to climb this huge mountain that you don’t actually even know if you can make it to the top. But I promise, you can! And you will!
New single mom, you do not have everything it takes. That’s OK, you are not a man. You are not a dad. You will never be. It’s NOT YOUR JOB. You just be mom. You rock being mom like never before. God will take care of making sure your kids are Fathered properly. (This is something I am just now starting to learn and I’ve been doing this alone for 7 years.) Give your kids 100% of mom and don’t worry about the rest.
And lastly, to all of the single moms, no matter where you’re at in all of this:
I have some lies that I felt like God has been highlighting to me as Valentine’s has been approaching and also the truths He’s been speaking into them for both of us:
Lie: Just by being a single mom, you come off as desperate. Truth: Who cares how you come off? You are not desperate. Needing people, community and desiring a man to love you is what you were created for. There is nothing wrong with that. Embrace your need for people. That is how both you and your children will thrive. “It takes a village” no matter if you’re a single parent or not!
Lie: If you’re a single mom, you need to prove that you don’t need a man. Truth: You do need a man and wanting one isn’t wrong. You have nothing to prove. Embrace your desire for a husband, even if you don’t want one now, don’t give up on your future. Talk to God about it. Be filled with Hope and joyfully anticipate the day that you will meet your new man.
Lie: If you’re a single mom, it is your responsibility to find a husband ASAP for your children to have everything they need. Truth: Stay in your lane. Like I said before, God will make sure they have what they need. He is the ultimate parent, perfect and whole. Focus on being a good mom and woman. A husband will come in due time.
Lie: If I’m a single parent, I have to be dating. (aka: hunting a husband) Truth: Dating is completely optional. There’s no pressure. No rush. Rest in his comfort grace and peace.
Lie: Being a single mom is just something to get through. It’s survival mode and life will start again once you get remarried. Truth: Your single season is a true gift that will not only go away someday, never to come back, but it’s also a training ground for your child. Invest in yourself during this time. Make it a point to be FULLY in this season with God and your kids. I know it sounds crazy but it will be gone someday and you will miss it. Also, you are in an extremely unique position to actually show your kids first hand what it looks like to date in a healthy way. Invite them into your process. Married parents don’t get this opportunity. Take advantage.
I bless you all this Valentine’s Day and I pray that your season will be one of beautiful growth and comfort. You are so loved, today and everyday.
Love,
A single mom who gets it.
Christie Zahner 